How I hid the real me

How I hid the real me,

I could never show,

But only one of my friends knew,

And I began to open to best friend about me,

When he went on a long walk with me,

But I only told the very vague truth,

Not opening up all about me,

Because you see I wanted to know more about him than him,

Knowing about me,

And while I was in High School,

it was hard for me to trust other people,

Because not knowing what they really wanted,

From me was hard and that is why I am,

Struggling to know if hiding me from them was the best decision or not and while I may,

Want to go to the High School reunion just to come back as the real me and not having to answer,

To anybody but knowing why I am there and that it has nothing to do with pleasing them,

But only pleasing me and seeing what I could achieve and even though it has taken me this long,

To realize it I am glad I get to no longer hide the real me because I am the one who is the missing piece of this mystery.

The hiding of what I could keep quiet ended up being the me that faded and from the inside I was able to find an outlet to express my voice but, on the outside, I remained hidden from them. – Rockstar Girl

The mood only represents my heart

The mood only shows the emotions

But what the ring shows is the representation of the colors,

And then you have to do your own research of what,

Is in the charts labeled next to every single,

Color on the mood that only represents my heart.

The ring of the mood is the color in hues. – Rockstar Girl

Locked Up as a Mystery: I never thought of myself as a dreamer & writer

Locked up as a mystery, I wish I was found so that you could see my story but some stories are closer than you might think, it just depends on the story, and if you know the story so well you should be able to read between the lines as well.

Locked up as a mystery, I never thought of myself as a dreamer who could control the lines with her mind if she had more time, I never thought of myself as a writer who could make up words and turn them into stories but that is just the exact copy of the real me who likes to be locked up as a mystery.

In the petals there was a rose if you could smell it from faraway then you had unlocked the key to her mystery – Rockstar Girl

Looking up I thought it could never last

Looking up I only saw the signs and I still miss even though we are both silenced and I could only ever imagine what you think of yourself now it almost seems like you are running from the crowd but I bet you never thought our past life could be a lesson but it was to me and I am guessing it was to you too.

Looking up I am glad I just sat down and read only to find some inspiration while staring at my phone while reading words like they were silent on my case but secretly hoping to write about you again.

Looking up I came across so many lines that would fit perfectly for hours at a time and then one writer came up to me in my thoughts and asked me to write about her dreams and I thought to myself how can this be I do not have any dreams to share let alone one’s I want everyone to know because don’t we get to keep some dreams locked away as a mystery.

Looking up I never thought I could ever miss the art that played with the kiss – Rockstar Girl

The washing away of my thoughts

The past twenty-four hours,
my thoughts have washed away,
where every thought has gone down the drain,
and letting the water carry the flow,
like I am sitting on the concrete wondering where my thoughts are heading,
and I used to be scared of walking the stones,
and wondering if I would see the same burdens as before,
and maybe I thought because of his jealousy towards me,
that he was happier without me,
because I felt that I was a trigger for him because of his insecurities,
and someone asked me this question why did you like him if you were such a trigger for him?
I answered this question by saying I just wanted to get to know him as a friend I did not even like him at first,
but once I got to know him and started to interact with him more, I started falling.

The hand over the shot

The hand over the shot 

The one that was shooting from all sides of the heart 

One vessel of the blood went out the other 

And soon enough it was growing from pleasure

Where you had touched my fragile heart 

And never broke the pieces from falling apart 

Because you had always had a thumbtack on the destination 

And the path of the map you were taking 

And that was the complaint of not meeting the destination 

Because the school had left the students with no available communication

And from the test of life that rang the bell 

And saw the canon come out from underneath the ground 

Ready to take its shot from all sides of the heart 

The vessels of the heart continued to grow 

And it was like a hundred of the shots we had never taken 

We would have missed out on the life of opportunities.

Stay the same or change the moves

We evolve through our life and then we ultimately decide if we want that to be our life and throughout many stories I have tried to seek out other chapters but it was hard for a while to know what I really wanted did I want something more with the guy I called my best friend and was he the one for me and that was something I always had suspected but I never found out the truth behind that message and if he was worth the chemistry we both felt in high school trouble was he had a hard time making a move and showing me that he wanted to get to know all of me and throughout high school we both had seen each other every day of the week but sometimes when needed we both took space from each other until we realized our path in life after being caught up in certain things we could not get out of and yes he may be writing in his journal about me and trying to piece together where he went wrong about the old me and to see if he could find a connection and find me on social media but the trouble is I do not know his old usernames and it can be very complicated to know about him and the nicknames he has used in the past and some I did try it was hard to know if that was him and seeing if he would make a move and actually find me was I will admit a big gamble to follow and I know that finding someone on the internet is no easy process but I had to wonder if he was going to back to his old ways and be the stubborn person he always was with me but I still do love him even if he does not know it and I was looking for him through the internet too just to see if he evolved from the person he used to be and yes he may have through his looks but his personality I would have to test the waters on that one and see if getting to know him we would be sharing the same connection but the chemistry between was always there for fact and we went through many opportunities to get to know each other but we only made it through the walk with each other just to really know one another and there may have more opening up about me than him but that is just the way he was and that was reservation of him I had to get used to and many often wondered what type of man are you looking for and that is something I never was able to make a list of but to me the qualities I am looking for are: honest, loyal, puts me first, treats me with respect, makes a move, right intentions of love, and most of all loves me like I am the only one in this world.

In the ink of the sun that never fades

It was in the magic of the waters,

That came down like the run,

Filling up in the gloomy eyes of 

The dark,

I only started to feel the sun

Behind the clouds, 

Where sparkling on the waters,

Never left me any words,

It all skipped across like stones,

Where all my thoughts were alive,

Today and I got to see the picture 

Behind the words,

Even though the magic of the 

Waters could never skip the chapters,

Of the stepping stones of thoughts,

It was in the magic of the 


I thought of the last days I 

Was embraced in your arms,

Almost like the touch of you fell 

Out of balance and was left,

In the waters of the sky like,

Raindrops of scattered thoughts,

That hid behind the clouds were,

The sun never fades when I start to love you.